I have Karl. In my dreams he is the perfect man – funny, witty, beautiful, clever, etc……
If we were together the world would be perfect. I wait for him to call me; to be the knight in shining armour, on the white horse, taking me away from all this – to a better life, a perfect life.
It will not happen. And, even if he was the knight and took me away, it would not be the perfect life and nor, necessarily better.
And he is not the perfect man (he is Italian, after all and, worse, he has more hang-ups than a lot of the others, it seems).
He won’t call and, in a way, it is better like this. The dream of him being the perfect man can remain forever. Anyway, I am Top Only, which I will explain later.
And so, the friend I thought had a problem with the sweet guy (who is currently blowing me off, so it’s time for me to move on) did not. Instead her dream was crashing with the dream being a million times better than the reality. As I said, if he said ‘I love you’ and you didn’t feel that love that he didn’t mean it and it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true. He said that he loved missing her. And so, for him too, the dream was what he wanted – the reality being that he no longer had to miss her.
As I’m getting to start the meeting of people, I’m finding them all mouth and no substance (or, all mouth and no trousers as the English expression is). Well, that’s not entirely true, of course, but a lot of them are like that.
The date for tonight will, almost inevitably, be cancelled. I can see it coming like the light of a train coming towards me through the darkest tunnel. It is coming and unstoppable – or maybe I’m just too cynical. Yesterday and last night we chatted through the site. I even said ‘no’ to my piano player from Pavia for tonight on the basis that we would be going out! Last night everything was fine. This morning he is not well. He has a headache!
I know, it may not seem much but now he has gone to work. Later, sometime this afternoon, the chat will go something like this:-
Him:Â My headache is even worse.
Me: I’m really sorry to hear that.
Him: Yes, I have to go to work too but I will have to go home straight after work so cannot meet you tonight. I’m sorry.
Me: You’re full of shit, you know that?
Obviously, that last line won’t happen. Instead I will say something like, no problem, maybe next Wednesday…..
Of course, Friday night will happen. I know that. The guy phones me almost every day. Tomorrow night, with V, will also happen – but, then, he’s not Italian. If I wanted, the lawyer from Pavia would keep his word. The tall, dark and handsome guy would keep his word. Unfortunately, they can only be friends as there is no Karl Spark with them.
Last night, whilst talking to my friend with the shattered dream, I was explaining Top and Bottom. She didn’t realise what this all meant and I was trying to explain that it wasn’t all about the sexual side but also about character and life choice, etc.
So, if you are interested, I will explain it here. If you’re not interested, the post has finished.